Responses V O I C E S

Your best strategy for not only ensuring a comfortable and consensual experience, but for preventing sexual violence, is to prepare for every possible situation. Here are just a few words and ways to make sure you're ready for anything.

Define your sexual boundaries for yourself and communicate them to your partner before you're making out in some dark room. And remember, it's perfectly fine to put the brakes on anytime you feel uncomfortable about where things are going.

girl: "I like you a lot, but I'm not ready to have sex just yet." "I just love kissing you. How about we just make out this time?"

guy: "I think you're really hot. How do feel about having sex?" "Would I be pushing you if I asked you to have sex?" "Is this okay with you?"

Have a back-up plan in case you're feeling pressured to go further than you want, especially after you've communicated this out loud. If possible, change the context of the situation from sexual to serious. Turn on the lights, turn off the music, make it clear that the makeout session is over.

For those times when it appears the situation may become violent, basic self-defense knowledge can really help. At this point, the person you trusted is as dangerous as a "stranger in a dark alley." For more information on the RAD campus self defense programs, call (530) 752-3299. Also visit http://www.rad-systems.com/.

Be prepared to intervene if you see someone else getting into a situation they may later regret. Run a little diplomatic interference and encourage them to think twice.

We encourage you to report sexual violence if it occurs. Call either the local police department, the UC Davis Police Department, or the UC Davis Violence Prevention Program at (530) 752-3299.

If you're not sure about making a police report please know you can still call or meet with us at UC Davis Campus Violence Prevention Programs and find out about your options. (All calls are confidential.)

Because until we start talking out loud about what's okay and not okay, the potential for confusion and violence will continue.

Help us provide more words and ways for negotiating sexual boundaries. What do you say to a naked person you've been kissing, but don't feel like having sex with them?

E-mail your answer to info@voicesnotvictims.org subject line: "naked" -- check out "Your Stories" for responses in the future.